So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
