Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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