Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
