white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
