I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize