she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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