Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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