you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
