we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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