Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Text me some of your sweat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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