why didn't you poke me back
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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