It's Friday. Sex?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
