No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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