Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
