Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
