You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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