Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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