I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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