why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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