do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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