Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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