How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
