names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
