I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
