Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
