We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
