Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
