He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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