she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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