I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize