the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
