Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
