One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
