the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
