My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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