good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
