i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
