Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
