If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
