I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
