Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
