I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My balls are so social today.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're like the curious george of whores
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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