if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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