i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
