Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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