(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
