Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Still dying that you shit outside
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
