K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
