I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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