This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your cock deserves a montage
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
