I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
