I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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