ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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