so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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