I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
