I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
