So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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