so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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