I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
