I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
