Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
