i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
