I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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